Sleep and I are on the outs.
It’s confusing because we used to be so close. We were always in sync, completely in tune with each other but lately he’s been aloof, distant, only stopping by when he feels like it.
I think the riff started back when I was in my late forties. Menopause came around and I started spending a lot of time with those troublesome hormones. They were always showing up unexpectedly, all flashy and hot, sometimes in the middle of the night. I think Sleep got jealous, tired of them intruding on the good thing we had going.
Whatever the cause, he sure has made himself scarce lately. I’ve tried all kind of tricks to bring him back, yoga breathing, visualization, exercise, even warm milk but it’s just no use.
Sometimes the problem is my brain, comfortably cradled on my pillow yet suddenly filled with EVERY SINGLE conversation or thought that has crossed it’s path in the last twelve hours. Sometimes the problem is more physical; aches and pains, restless legs, night sweats. I’ve become so unpredictable and high maintenance that it’s no wonder Sleep has gotten tired of me.
Most often during these lonley, Sleep-less nights I just lie in bed watching the hours pass, wondering what I could have done to drive him away. I also wonder how I’ll make it through the next day, red eyed and groggy. Some nights I’ll get up, read a book, have a snack, (write a blog post,) but usually I just wait…
…wait for Sleep to return.
He can’t stay away forever, right? I really hope not.
I love Sleep.
I miss Sleep.