Tag Archives: Humor

The Weekly Smile…Perfect Day

So here is something I can totally relate to…

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…or any other day.

imageThe Weekly Smile is brought to you by Trent’s World. Stop by and share a smile yourself.

The Tale of the Red Dress and the Broken Glass

Recently, on Facebook one of those “get-to-know-you” lists was circulating. It had about 50 life events that you were just suppose to answer “yes” or “no” to, (been scuba diving, watched a baby being born, visited all 50 states, etc). One of the things on the list that I was able to answer “yes” to was “rode in an ambulance.” Usually, this would be a serious or sad event but my ambulance trip was more of a strange and embarrassing ride and, as it turned out, a really lousy way to meet men. Who knew, right? I hadn’t thought about that night for many years but it’s a pretty funny story so I thought I would share.

 

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To begin this story we must first time travel back to the year 1983. My friend Patti  I, two twenty-something singles females, were heading out for a night on the town. I was feeling pretty fancy in my favorite little red dress with matching red heels, my brown hair permed to within an inch of its life. Patti was sporting a silk blouse with shoulder pads and high waisted pants with pleats (1983, remember).

The club we went to had a DJ and a dance floor and catered to hip young singles like us. By ten o’clock it was pretty packed. We staked ourselves a spot at the bar and I had struck up a conversation with a really nice looking blond guy that I’ll call “Doug” (because I can’t really remember his name but I think he looked like a “Doug.”) I was drinking a lite beer and Doug had a scotch on the rocks in one of those really heavy bar glasses, the kind with the thick bottoms. Somehow, during our conversation, as he leaned over to shout something in my ear, (the music was very loud), the glass slid out of his hand, hit the tile floor bottom first, and shattered into a million pieces.

The infamous red dress on another occasion

The infamous red dress on another occasion

Everyone in the immediate area jumped back, stunned looking down at the mess on the floor. The tiny chunks of glass looked a bowl of diamonds spilled across the floor. It was really quite beautiful. Then we noticed that there was blood mixed with the diamonds. At first we checked Doug’s hands and arms but when I looked back down I realized that I was the wounded one. Apparently there was a cut on the inside of my right ankle just above the shoe line because every few seconds a little stream of blood would shoot out all over the floor and down the inside of my opposite calf. This was  both worrisome and macabre. I wasn’t in any pain but I obviously couldn’t stand there bleeding all over the dance floor.

The music was still blaring and most of the crowd was totally unaware that anything was awry. The area around me,however, was pandemonium. Patti came rushing over, a nurse in the crowd took charge and the bartender hopped from behind the bar and kind of pushed/carried me through the nearest door into the kitchen prep area. All the while, “Doug” was beside himself appologizing, hands waving around trying to figure out what he could do to help.

He followed our little group into the kitchen where the nurse quickly propped my foot up on the stainless steel counter putting pressure on the wound with a bar towel.  I lean heavily against Patti, balancing on one heel, trying to keep anyone from seeing up my skirt. The club manager appeared from somewhere, took stock of the situation and, against my protest, called for an ambulance. I suppose they were worried about a lawsuit.

The next thing I knew, two very efficient EMTs were strapping me onto a gurney, my ankle covered in gauze. Before they wheeled me out, Doug pushed a napkin and pen in my direction, asking me to please write down my phone number. “Okay,” I thought, “This would be a really interesting story to tell our kids someday” so I quickly jotted my number, pulled the sheet over my head and tried to make myself as invisible as possible while they took me out of the kitchen, across the dance floor, out the front door and up into the waiting ambulance. The EMTs and Patti hopped up beside me.

It was close to midnight by the time we got to the closest hospital. I was feeling pretty foolish as I sat waiting in the emergency room cot. Even though my left leg was covered with splatter blood, the cut on my right ankle which was no more than an eight of an inch had stopped bleeding before we left the club. The doctor that looked at it said that the glass had probably nicked an artery explaining the spurting effect and the amount of blood. (Ewww!) He poked around making sure there was no glass in the wound, cleaned it with some antibiotic cream then covered it with a tiny square of gauze.

The drama could have ended there except that as the doctor was signing the release papers, we realized that we couldn’t leave the hospital because Patti’s car was still at the club. Neither one of us was going to call our parents at that hour so the most sensible option was my sister Linda. She wasn’t crazy about coming out in the middle of the night to rescue us either and she was even more ticked when she saw the size of my band aid!

Epilogue….By the next morning my ankle was slightly bruised and tender to the touch but otherwise fine. My stockings and shoes were history but the red dress survived to party another night. And what about Doug, you might ask? He did call the next day but only to make sure I was okay and to apologize yet again. I guess he didn’t feel that our shared experience was enough of a basis for a relationship.

I don’t know if this story has a moral but I do know that my sister loves to bring it up at family gatherings every so often just to remind me that I owe her. 😊

The Weeky Smile….Happy and Healthy!

our happy little family of home grown VEGETABLES enjoyIng some time in the sun...

imageMama and Papa Tomato with their eight little ones (I think the guy on the left is an Uncle from out of town). 😊

 

imageThe Weekly Smile is brought to you by Trent’s World.  Stop by and collect a few more smiles or maybe leave one of your own!

The Weekly Smile – A Silent Parade

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The elementary school where I work offers a half day preschool for 3 and 4 year olds. The classroom is in the main building along with the rooms for the older children and is taught by Miss Jessica, a pleasant young woman, not long out of college with lots of energy and clever ideas.

Case in point…

As I was coming back from lunch today, Miss Jessica and her parade of tots were heading outside so I stopped and held the door for them. I couldn’t help but smile when I noticed as they walked past that each little boy and girl had their cheeks puffed out like a chipmunk storing acorns!

I recieved a few waves from the preschoolers as they passed but not one word was spoken. I raised my eyebrows in question to their teacher who was at the end of the line. As she passed she leaned in and whispered,

“When we go in the hallway, we all pretend we have a mouthful of marshmallows. It helps them remember not to talk while the students in the classrooms are working.

Hmm? I wonder if that would work on the older students in the lunchroom?

It’s a thought. 😊

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The Weekly Smile is brought to you courtesy of Trent’s World. Be sure to stop by and gather a few more smiles or maybe share one of your own!

If We Were Having Coffee…4/30/16

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If we were having coffee…we would gazing out the sliding glass doors in the kitchen willing the clouds away and wishing for a little sunshine and warmth. At least I would be. It was painful to put back on long sleeves and sweaters this week when I was rockin’ tee shirts and capris the week before. Come on weather Gods, throw me a bone! Tomorrow is the first of May so I need some May like weather, please!

That reminds me of a really old joke a second grader told me this week….

“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?…..Pilgrims!”

Ba-dum-dum!

Anyway, if we were having coffee, we would of course mention the crappy weather but we could also talk about all the fun stuff we did this week.

You first.

Did you enjoy your week? Have you accomplished much or just enjoyed the peace and quiet? Was it busy, hectic, serene, sad or just plain boring?! We all have weeks like that. One of my friends had such a challenging week she was actually posting quotes from “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible No Good Very Bad Day” on her Facebook page. I suggested she might want to move to Australia. (For those who don’t get the joke, read the book, it’s really quite wonderful 😊)

If we were having coffee…I would be telling you how much I am missing Miss Dee who has been bopping around Disney on her class trip since Tuesday. I’ve spoken with her each evening and she seems to be having fun although I’ve sensed that the nonstop activity and the constant companionship is a bit difficult for her personality to handle. I totally get it. I can get downright crabby If I go too long without some quiet, alone time. My Hubby and son shakes their heads like we’re crazy, but my fellow introverts will understand!

I figured that this trip would be a challenge to her in that respect but I’m so glad she decided to go anyway. I know how important it is to stretch out of my own comfort zone now and then and it’s even more important when you are a 17 year old with a whole life of adventures and challenges coming your way. I’m really proud of her for going ….but I’m also really looking forward to giving her a big hug when she gets home tonight!!

Well, if we were having coffee, I would have to shoo you on your way because I have a full day ahead. Try not to be too jealous of my fun filled Saturday…..cleaning, wash, yard work, and some equally exciting errands to the drug store and the grocery!! Yay me. (If the weather would act a little more “Spring-like” I might be able to work up some enthusiasm. Just sayin’ 😎)

I’m so glad you stopped by and I hope you have a week filled with fun and excitement mixed with periods of peace and serenity.  Don’t forget to visit some of the other Coffee Share posts brought to you by our lovely host Diana at Part Time Monster.

If We Were Having Coffee…4/10/16

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If we were having coffee today…we would be sitting at my kitchen table looking out the back door (past the Audrey Hepburn calendar clearly turned to the month of April), at the snow and ice covering the yard and deck. Ugh.

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Yesterday was such an interesting Spring day. I had planned on running some errands and cleaning up the yard but instead I sat inside and watched the snow fall. I worked on a page for Miss Dee’s “Senior Year” scrapbook, I cleaned the bathroom and did some banking so it was a productive day, just not the one I had planned.

The view, yesterday from my sister's front window.

The view, yesterday from my sister’s front window.

It was, howevera more comfortable day than my Hubby had. He was down the shore helping a friend rebuild a garage….in the rain….and the snow. The garage had been damaged in the last flood that the Jersey shore had endured. A few weeks ago they had cleaned it out, throwing away much of the contents, and removing the siding and water soaked wood. My hubby has a big heart and this friend has done a lot for him so he was determined to help him finish this job before the elements did even more damage. I will find out this evening how it all went.  At least today is sunny and clear.

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If we were having coffee…I would tell you that I am pretty excited that I was able to score a piece foam board big enough for the astronaut photo backdrop I was designing. I was a little worried because I needed a piece that was 4’x 5 1/2′ and that size is usually only sold by the case for big company presentations and such. Thank goodness for Craig’s List! There was a gentlemen in Philadelphia that had purchased a case of 20 sheets of  4′ X 8′ foam board and only used half so he was selling the rest for $10 per sheet. Even luckier was the fact that the teacher I’m working with has a husband who works in that area of the city and he ran over after work Tuesday and picked up two sheets. We figured we might need an extra piece somewhere down the line. I can’t wait to get started!

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If we were having coffee…I would refill our cups and ask about your week? I hope I has been exciting and productive. Are you reading any good books? Have you done any traveling? Fill me in! I’m so glad you stopped by!

Be sure to visit the rest of the Coffee Share Posts brought to you courtesy of the lovely Diana over at Part Time Monster!

Weekly Smile #14

As a tension breaker during testing, the fifth grade teacher gave the kids a fun assignment. She had them read some articles and  showed them some videos on splunking (the sport of cave exploration) and then challenged them to write song parodies telling how they felt about this pastime.

Personally, I don’t even like spending too much time in our basement so after watching  the videos of these spelunkers squeezing into crevices, sliding backwards into spaces checking to see if they “can fit” and keeping track of passages so they can find their “way out” I was having a mini panic attack! Therefore, I really appreciated the group who came up with a parody using Bruno Mars’  “Lazy Song” changing the words to say…

🎶”Today I don’t feel like Splunking.

I just really don’t want to die!

Stalactites falling on my head,

spiders biting at my leg!

Today I don’t feel like splunking,

Think I’ll just stay in my bed.” 🎶

If it was up to me, these kids would get an “A+” 😊

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This post is part of The Weekly Smile brought to you courtesy of Trent’s World . Pop over and collect a few more smiles or even leave one of your own!

The Weekly Smile #9 – Happy Birthday Dr Seuss!

On this, the anniversary of his birth, I’d like to thank the wonderful, wacky Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr Seuss for all the smiles he has given me through out the years. His books have been favorites of mine since I was a child and, even though they can give your tongue quite a work out, I loved reading them to my own children and the students at school.

Here are a few of my favorite Dr Seuss quotes…

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imageThe Weekly Smile is brought to you courtesy of Trent’s World. Don’t forget to stop by and collect some more smiles or even leave one of your own!

The Weekly Smile #8 -Melting My Heart

Last month after Mother Nature dumped a foot of snow on our neighborhood, a family up the street built the biggest snowman I have ever seen. To give you an idea of scale, his arms were old fence post and his nose was a small orange safety cone. The creators also used big stick and branches to give the snowman cool spikey hair. It was certainly a sight to see – twelve foot tall, filling most of the front yard. Everytime I passed him on the way to work it made me smile.

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The weeks went by and the snow slowly started to melt. My snowman friend melted too but each time his face and arms slid out of their location, the builder put them back, restoring his happy grin. He got shorter, and shorter. Even after all the other snow was gone, he lived on, short and flat, still sporting his spikey hair and crazy arms. The effort the builder put into maintaining the snowman’s personality made me smile too.

By last week, he was looking like this….

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This morning, after a weekend of temperatures in the 50s and a day of rain, I drove by and saw that the snowman had finally melted away. All that was left in the center of the yard was a pile of wood and a orange traffic cone.

I missed my frozen friend, of course, but his absence meant that the weather might finally be warming up and for a summer girl like me, that is definitely something to smile about.😊


imageThis post is part of The Weekly Smile brought to you courtesy of Trent’s World. Stop by to check out the rest of the smiles or to leave one of your own!

 

 

If We Were Having Coffee…2/20/16

imageIf we were having coffee…you would notice that, as expected, “morning” happens a lot later around here when Hubby in not around to act as my alarm clock. He’s probably been skiing the Vermont slopes for hours now, but here in Jersey, my sorry butt just climbed out of bed. The cats sure let me know that they were not happy about having to wait for their breakfast! I don’t feel too lazy though because Mr D is still snoring away upstairs and will be for hours yet. Speaking of my handsome son….

If we were having coffee…I would tell you that I finally got to meet the third member of his soon-to-be-roommates. The other two, I’ve know since they were little, but this young man is a new friend. He seemed quite nice, if a little shy. He shook my hand politely and answered all my annoying mom questions (“Do you have brothers and sisters? How is your mom feeling about you moving out? How is school going? etc).

Later, I asked Mr D if his friend is always so quiet and he said “No, but parents make him really nervous.” See, this cracks me up because I think of myself as the most easy going friendly parent. I can’t imagine anyone, especially a college kid, being intimidated by me. My husband, on the other hand…😊 Years of dealing with (sometimes) unruly seventh and eighth graders has made him able to restore order and silence with just a look. This, by the way, comes in very handy when you have a house full of teenage girls over for a sleepover…but thats a whole other story.

If we were having coffee…you might wonder what happened to the post I was going to publish about my Bruce adventure. Well, after a few aborted drafts, I decided that there wasn’t much to say other than the concert was awesome, and that we had to trudge through a snowstorm to get to it. That  didn’t seem like enough to fill a post. Also, I’m not the kind of person who takes photos at things like that, preferring to live “in the moment” instead of recording it for the future, so I didn’t even have any images to share. Luckily there are a lot of really great videos and stories already out there about Mr Springsteen so I don’t really need to add mine!

If we were having coffee…I would share that Miss Dee had some fun this week. On Thursday evening, she participated in her high school’s Prom Fashion Show. It is an annual event that raises money for the yearly sports banquet held in the spring. The senior athletes are dressed up in prom fashions and paired up. Then they put on a show, with some comedy commentary from a pair of student hosts. Each couple goes on stage and “models” their outfits which are on loan from local stores. This generates business for the sponsors as well. The kids all have a lot of fun with it and I was pleased to see Miss Dee channel her inner clown and ham it up a little. She is not as comfortable on stage as her brother is, but she did really well. She is so much braver than I was as a teenager. I am always impressed with how she over comes her anxiety and puts herself out there in order to take part in stuff instead of just watching from the sidelines like I did at her age.

If we were having coffee…I would tell you that work is going well but that sometimes I find technology in the classroom to be a real pain in the a#*! Example: Each afternoon I review some math concepts with our third grade students using the classroom Smart Board. For those of you unfamiliar, a Smart Board is a cross between an interactive touch screen and a chalkboard. It hooks up to the computer and has lots of great activities.

It can also be a pain in the a#*.

On Wednesday afternoon as I was setting up the Smartboard lesson, a storm blew in and the weather became very windy. Because I live in a town with a lot of mature trees, the wind often knocks down branches which in turn, knock down wires. So inevitably, just as I got the technology up and running, the power shut off!

Silence, darkness.

Five minutes later it came back on so I rebooted the computer and started again. The wind picks up and the power goes out again.

Silence, darkness and some bad words muttered under my breath.

The third time it went out I was only half way finished rebooting and the poor computer was so confused that when the power came back on for good it was so screwed up I had to shut it down and restart the whole thing. I wasn’t even going to attempt to use the Smart Board again so the kids and I played “Multiplication Bingo” instead.

No technology required. There’s a lot to be said for good old fashioned, hands on education. 😊

If we were having coffee... I would appologize for rambling on so, and ask you how your week has been? I hope you have had some smiles and some hugs and made some great memories. Since it is almost time for lunch (!) here, I should finish my morning coffee and try to be productive. Thanks for stopping by and don’t forget to visit Diana at Part Time Monster and check out the rest of the Weekend Coffee Shares!